


The ten year reunion

by MeElla (neverxenough)



Category: Make It or Break It
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-07
Updated: 2013-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:42:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 22,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23702527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neverxenough/pseuds/MeElla
Summary: It's ten years later and time for a reunion in Boulder. It's almost as long since Payson saw Sasha last and things certainly have changed since then. A fanfiction focused on Payson and Sasha.Previously posted on fanfiction.net
Relationships: Sasha Belov/Payson Keeler
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

It was a stupid idea. That was the conclusion she came back to every time she sat down to think about it. She spun the invitation card in her hands, she already knew what it said. She had already emailed a quick reply saying she would be there, but now that it was only a couple of hours away she was nervous and wanted to change her mind. Stupid, stupid, stupid! How had she thought it was a good idea to come back here?

Payson Keeler had just stepped out of the shower in the hotel room she was staying in for the weekend. It was the only hotel in Boulder and she had never been there before. It wasn't often you spend nights at a hotel in your own hometown after all. Now Boulder wasn't her home anymore. It hadn't been for the last ten years. Her parents had moved back to Minnesota just before the Olympics and Payson hadn't returned after that. Until now, that is.

The invitation to the reunion had been in her mail a couple of months ago. It was some sort of combination between a 10-year reunion for the 2012 Olympic team and the Rock team from the same year. Out of all those people that were undoubtedly invited, she had only spoken to two in the last few years. Teenage friendships were difficult; especially those forged around one similar interest. Outside of the gym, the girls had been too different. After the Olympics, they had slowly drifted apart.

A knock on the hotel room made Payson jump. She made sure the towel around her body covered her and then walked over to open the door.

"You're here!" Kelly looked surprised as she made her way into the hotel room.

Payson closed the door behind her friend and walked back into the room. "Of course I'm here, I told you I would come."

"Yeah, well you can't really blame me for thinking you wouldn't show."

The brunette was kind of right, but Payson didn't want to confess, so instead, she changed the subject. "What are you wearing? I can't decide."

It was an honest statement though. Payson had brought half her wardrobe in the hope that Kelly would just choose her outfit for the evening. Kelly, far from stupid, knew exactly what Payson was doing, but she let it slide.

"Show me the options," Kelly said and sat down on the bed, crossing her legs and arms, prepared to judge the outfits Payson had brought with her from San Francisco.

.

Believe it or not, two hours later, only fifteen minutes late, the two women left the hotel and took a cab to their old gymnastics club. The parking lot was full of cars but empty on people. After they had paid for the cab and watched it drive away they remained standing on the wet ground. It had rained all morning but during the car ride to The Rock, the sun had broken through, it probably still had a couple of hours before it would start going down.

"This is so strange," Payson said, looking up at the large building in front of them. It looked just like it had last time she saw it, and it was strange to think that was ten years ago.

"We better go in before you manage to talk us into going back to the hotel."

It was probably a good decision made by Kelly, Payson had no chance to argue before the brunette had pulled her into the gym.

Payson came to a halt inside the doors, unsure of what she had expected. If the outside hadn't changed at all, the inside was almost impossible to recognize. Not only was it decorated for the reunion with hardwood floors and set tables, but it had also changed from the blue and white Payson competed with to green and white. Walking into the room she silently wondered if the club had changed colors, and why.

"You okay?" Kelly whispered.

The room was full of people divided into small groups, leaning close to talk or laughing loudly. To her surprise, Payson didn't recognize all of them at once.

"Yeah, I'm…" Payson started, but she was cut short by a shriek not too far from them.

"Payson! Kelly! Oh my god, it's so good to see you!"

Lauren Tanner hadn't changed one bit and Payson found it kind of calming. The blonde was dressed in a tight, low cut dress and high heels. She hadn't aged one bit. The two baffled girls were pulled into a group hug by the blonde. "How are you doing Lauren?" Payson managed to get out as they took a step apart again.

"I'm brilliant," Lauren smiled. "Just came in from Paris where I had a big meeting with a few designer colleagues."

Ten years after their big achievement Lauren was the only one still featuring in the press regularly. It was quite impressively actually, how Lauren had managed to build her career around her passion for fashion and her heart disease foundation. Payson still tried to stay caught up on the news around her former teammate.

"How are you?" Lauren asked, interrupting Payson's wandering mind.

"I'm good," Payson smiled. "Not quite living the private jet life you are though."

"I don't think anyone is," Kelly added.

Lauren blushed but didn't respond to their comments. "So what are you up to? Married? Children? Tell me everything!" Lauren said, almost jumping of excitement.

"Oh, a little bit of this and that," Payson said, avoiding the question.

"Living off hard-earned sponsor money?" Lauren said nodding approvingly.

"Something like that." It could be true, really. After a year off from everything, Payson had started college in LA. Since she would basically never have to work again, she took classes that interested her and she ended up with a major in creative writing. During her studies, she started writing on a novel. A novel about a gymnast named Jasmine. Against the advice of her then-new agent, she sent it in under a fake name. Even though the series of four novels now were fairly popular amongst the young adult population, she kept the fake name. Sometimes it felt like she spent more of her life being P.K. than being Payson Keeler.

Lauren didn't ask any more questions about Payson's work or life, instead, she was in a deep conversation with Kelly about the brunette's latest radio show.

An hour into the evening Payson had met almost all of her old friends. Kaylie was now coaching at The Rock and who had helped organize the evening. Austin and Max who were now living together in Florida. Emily had flown in from Las Vegas where she still lived with her 10-year-old son. Colleen worked at the training center in Colorado Springs. Jordan Randall lived in Seattle with her husband and two children.

When all of them were gathered in the middle of the gym, it almost felt like it was ten years ago. If someone, preferably someone with a dark British accent had called for their attention and to start warming up, they probably would move before their brains could catch up.

"So, isn't Sasha coming?" Lauren asked as if she had read Payson's thoughts.

To Payson's surprise, they all turned to look at her. "What? I have no idea," she said.

"Really? You don't talk to him?" Kaylie asked.

Payson shook her head. "Haven't spoken to him since… I can't even remember before I finished college sometimes."

"Oh." They all fell silent.

Payson really didn't want to have that conversation again, so she quickly changed the subject by asking about the others' families. As soon as the conversation was flowing again, Payson took the time to look around the room. She spotted photos on the wall by the door and mumbled a quiet excuse before heading over there. Most of the photos were of people Payson didn't recognize. A generation of gymnasts she didn't know. Girls smiling, coaches smiling. Close to the corner of the wall, indicating the photos were older, she started recognizing people. In a picture from the opening day, she saw Kaylie and Lauren, arms around each other. In another photo, Payson, Lauren, Kaylie, and Emily stood in front of the arena that hosted the Nationals where Payson had broken her back. There was also a photo from the Olympics, one of the national teams and coaches. Behind Payson stood Sasha, one hand on her shoulder. She shuddered, remembering it as if it had been yesterday.

"Ladies and gentlemen, please find your seats at the tables and we'll start this reunion dinner!"

They were probably one hundred people in the gym and twelve tables were set up on the hardwood floor covering the area where girls and boys were usually practicing their floor routines. After a little searching, Payson found the place marked with her name.

Payson sat down at a table in the middle of the room with her old teammates. The sound of moving chairs and small talk suddenly died down and Payson looked around to see who had gotten up to speak. But no one was about to speak; everyone was looking toward the door. Following their glances, her eyes landed on Sasha. He was still holding the door open with one hand, having frozen in place.

"Wow, he looks good," Kelly leaned in close and whispered.

It was true, Payson thought, not being able to look away from him. The years had been good on him. His hair was blonde but shorter than the last time she saw him. He was dressed in a suit and a white shirt. Even though he must be close to 40, he looked young.

Their eyes locked and when he smiled her heart did a double beat. She smiled back.

Walking into the room he was stopped and hugged by virtually everyone there.

"Hi ladies," he said as he reached them. They all stood, hugging their old coach. When he pulled Payson against his chest she took a deep breath and tried to calm her racing heart.

"Hi Payson," he said. His British accent was heavier than she remembered.

Before they had a chance to talk, Mrs. Cruz cleared her throat, demanding their attention. Somehow Kelly was now sitting across the round table, leaving the spot next to Payson miraculous empty for Sasha.

In front of the room, Mrs. Cruz started talking, but Payson couldn't focus on what she was saying, all her focus was on the man next to her. He looked surprisingly relaxed, laughing with the rest of the room at a joke Payson didn't hear. As if he felt her gaze, he turned and looked at her.

"What?" he asked, a small smile playing on his lips.

Payson shook her head. "Just surprised to see you," she whispered. "Didn't think this was something that would appeal to you."

"People change," he said. "Ten years ago this would have been something you would have been dragged to, kicking and screaming."

"Still is," Payson said and glared at Kelly across the table.

Sasha laughed. He was about to say something but was interrupted by the appetizers that were being served.

The dinner moved quickly and Payson didn't have the time to talk to Sasha anymore. The conversation around the table flowed between sentimental memories and catching up. Payson was pleasantly surprised that everyone was behaving like the adults they were, to be honest, she had been expected a fight to break out well before desert.

"Let's head over to the Pub!" Lauren said when dinner ended and they all stood in the foyer to say goodbye. "Pay, Sasha, you're in, right?"

Payson shrugged. "Sure," she said. Her flight didn't leave until after lunch the following day and even though she had been very reluctant to come to the reunion she was now sad to realize she would probably not see these people again for a very long time.

"The one downtown? I've missed that place!" Sasha said with a smile.

And so it was decided. They said their goodbyes to the rest of the party before deciding to walk downtown. Boulder hadn't changed much in the time Payson had been gone. Some new stores, some new signs, otherwise it was exactly like she remembered it. It was chilly outside for only being the end of August. She didn't even have a cardigan on, so she pulled her arms close as they walked.

"You cold?" Sasha asked, coming up next to her.

"I'm fine," Payson said, but Sasha ignored her. He shrugged out of his jacket and hung it over her shoulders. She gratefully pulled it tighter around her. "Thanks," she said. Next to her Lauren, Kaylie, Emily, and Kelly were giggling but Payson ignored them.

It was something comforting about how little Boulder had changed. Time moved so quickly and sometimes Payson felt like she was never caught up enough: there were always new things to learn and figure out. It was also very comforting that Sasha and the girls seemed to still be the people she had once known.

Payson had never been to the pub downtown, but by the smile on Sasha's lips, and the way he nodded to one of the bartenders, it was clear that it hadn't changed too much either. They ordered drinks before making their way upstairs to a booth with a view over the rest of the pub. Payson sat down next to Kelly and moved close to make room for Sasha that slide in next to her.  
"So, Sasha, what are you doing these days?" Kelly asked, leaning on her elbows so she could look over Payson at their former coach. "Not still coaching?"

He shook his head. "I'm in between projects right now," he said. "Live in London now though."

"That explains the heavy accent," Payson said, leaning back against the backrest.

"I do not have a heavy accent," he said. He must have heard himself though because both of them burst out laughing. He really did have a heavier accent than when he had been coaching. It had been funny when they arrived in London for the Olympics, to hear how his accent had grown thicker instantly.

"I like an accent," Lauren said and winked.

Payson agreed, but she would never say it out loud.

.

The air in the pub was heavy, the music loud, and Payson had been laughing so hard that her stomach ached. The rest of the girls had dropped off to the dance floor and it was only Sasha and Payson left in the booth.

"Do you wanna go outside to get some air?" Sasha shouted over the music.

Payson nodded, she could really need some fresh air. They made their way through the sea of dancing bodies.

"Where are you going, love?" a young man, maybe no more than twenty, suddenly blocked Payson's way and she lost sight of Sasha that had been leading the way. She looked over the man's shoulder, trying to get past him. "You aren't already leaving, are you?"

"Excuse me," she said, trying to push past. The man wouldn't move though.

"We should dance," the man said. "Or maybe go back to my place?" his smile made Payson shiver.

"No," she said. "Excuse me."

She took a step to the side, but he followed. She could feel his hand grab her arm, squeezing her biceps. "Let go of me," she said, for the first time actually using force when she pushed him in the chest. He stumbled a step backward, but he was stronger than he looked and remained standing. The gleam in his eyes was frightening.

"What the hell are you doing?" she asked, ripped her arm out of his grip. From over his shoulder, she could finally see Sasha. He must have seen what was happening because he was literary pushing between people to get to her. She really didn't want a fight to break out. "Get away from me before my friend gets here or he'll have you beaten to a pulp."

While he looked over his shoulder, following her look, she took the opportunity to push him hard enough that he finally stumbled and fell. She quickly walked around and past him. When she reached Sasha she grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the exit. He looked over his shoulder at the man still on the floor, but he still followed her.

"What happened?" he asked when they stepped out from the pub and could talk in normal voices again.

She shook her head. "Just an idiot, I fought him off."

"I should go back there and beat him up," he said, looking in through the open doors. Payson grabbed his hand and walked down the street to a bench where they could sit down.

"I handled it," she said, hugging herself in the cold.

"I should have taught you to box," Sasha said and once again shrugged off his jacket and handed it to her. This time she took it without a fight. It was way too cold outside for her not to want the extra clothes.

"Well, I'm not too old to learn new things," she smiled. "But maybe you're going home soon?"

He smiled a little. "I'm flying back to London tomorrow," he said.

Ignoring the disappointing sting in her heart she smiled. "Why the hurry?"

"Promised the family."

"The… the family?"


	2. Chapter 2

During the last five or so years since Payson had last spoken to Sasha, she had sometimes thought about him, wondered what he was doing. Mostly she had wondered if he was coaching or involved in gymnastics in any way. Sometimes she hoped he was because he had done so much for her and he would help so many other people out there. But other times she had been almost jealous at the thought of him coaching anyone else.

When she thought about him though, she had never considered the possibility of him starting a family. She didn't know why, she shouldn't be surprised really, but it just seemed so… strange. She had never seen that side of him. Even if she had considered them friends once, they hadn't really talked. Not about anything else than gymnastics and the past. They hadn't talked about his hopes and dreams, or about her plans for after London.

Back in her home in San Francisco, Payson wasn't really sure what to do or think. Packing up she had placed his card on the fridge. She started at the card with his number and email at least once an hour. He had asked her to keep in touch, even invited her to visit him in London. Out on the bench in Boulder, he had shown her pictures of his family. Of a blond woman with warm green eyes and a soft smile. Her name was Amanda. Their daughter had the same blue eyes as her father, but she had her mother's smile and nose. Alex was three years old and Payson had never seen Sasha more alive than when he spoke about his daughter.

_ Ring, ring, ring… _

Payson jumped at the sound of her phone. She looked away from the card on the fridge to reach the cell. "Hello?" she answered, arranging the phone so she could hold it against her ear with her shoulder.

"Hello friend, how are you? You and Sasha disappeared Saturday, is he with you now?" Kelly asked.

Payson and Sasha had ended up not going back to the pub. They had spent the rest of the night and morning at a café, talking. When Payson got back to her hotel room Kelly had already left. "No, he went back to London, why would he be with me?"

"Just romantic daydreaming," Kelly said.

"Well, you can forget about that. He's got a family," Payson said and sat down at her kitchen island where she had made breakfast for herself. She moved the computer to the side so she wouldn't spill on it.

"He has a family?" Kelly almost screamed. "What do you mean family?"

"A family. Wife and kid you know."

It took Payson almost twenty minutes to tell Kelly everything from the hours she spent with Sasha a couple of days earlier. It was almost like they were back in college, sharing a dorm, staying awake all night gossiping about a boy.

"So are you going to call him?" Kelly asked when Payson finished the tales of the night.

"I'm not sure," Payson said. "But enough about that, what happened after I left? No major drama?"

"Not really, it was almost underwhelming," Kelly said. "I expected at least one good argument, but everyone was so grown up."

"I'm pleasantly surprised," Payson said. "Maybe ten years really made us all grow up."

"Speak for yourself," Kelly said. "I'm never growing up."

Payson burst out laughing, that was so typical Kelly. Payson spent the morning continuing gossiping with Kelly, sitting out in the sun on her balcony. It was her favorite place in the whole apartment, her favorite way to pass time: to sit in the swing, drink a cup of coffee and just relax. No matter how close to a deadline she was, or how much she had on her plate, she always felt calm in her swing.

"Hey, Payson?" Kelly said, the voice suddenly slow and low. Payson looked over the rooftops.

"Now that you know… about Sasha… maybe you can let it go?"

"What do you mean?" Payson asked, not looking away, not blinking. On a balcony about a hundred meters away two children were playing with what looked to be cars.

"I mean that I want you to be happy."

During the years Payson and Kelly had had some fights, or not even fights, more arguments, about whether or not Payson actually tried with guys. Maybe she hadn't tried, but why should you try with someone that you felt wasn't right? Contrary to what Kelly believed, Payson had never held out for Sasha. Sure, she had a crush on him growing up, and sure, he was a really good guy and maybe she held her standards higher after that, but she had never been waiting for him. She had always known there could never be anything between them.

"I think I'm going to go visit my parents for a weekend or so," Payson said, changing the subject. She looked away from the playing children, pulling her legs closer to her body.

"Mom always complains I'm not visiting often enough."

"Sounds nice," Kelly said. "Will you come to visit me after? It was ages ago since it was just you and me."

"But it isn't you and me anymore," Payson said. "You've got Jen now."

Payson can practically hear the smile on Kelly's lips. "Yeah, but we'll find our alone time."

They moved on to the subject of Kelly's girlfriend. Kelly and Jennifer had moved in together a few months ago, but been together forever before that. It made Payson happy to know that Kelly had found the love of her life. Maybe it wasn't the easiest love, with both of them being headstrong as pigs, but somehow they always rode out the storms together.

"I'll let you know," Payson said, she didn't like to plan too much these days. One of the many things that had changed since her gymnastics days.

They ended the call and Payson took her empty coffee cup with her into the kitchen. Her laptop was still sitting on the counter and she sat down in front of it, opening up the airline's website to book tickets to go visit her parents.

.

During the first 18 years of her life, Payson had planned every move she had ever made. Training, eating, calculating the risks of injury. Everything existed with the sole goal of getting a gold medal in London. Everything was so focused on that, so when she finally achieved it and got home to her parents' place after it, she realized she had no plan what so ever for the rest of her life. At that time it was a scary though. A thought Payson couldn't handle, so she applied for and was accepted to college. It was a good middle ground for her life. It needed disciple, but not the kind that gymnastics had required.

With one missed year, Payson was 23 when she graduated from college in LA. It was around that time that she realized she still didn't know what she wanted to do with her life. She had studied creative writing and literature in school, it wouldn't exactly just hand her a job. And the truth was, she didn't need to work. After the sponsorship deals between Worlds and the Olympics, she was set for life. It was somewhere around there she talked to Sasha the last time before the reunion. It had been her mother's idea. Kim had seen that Payson was struggling; it wasn't a secret that many athletes had problems adjusting to a normal life after their active careers.

His advice had been so simple, but at the same time so reassuring. He had told her not to stress, to not just dive into a nine to five job because most other people in the world did. She could take her time, find out what she loved and felt passion for. He also advised her to take some time off from everything she knew. He went fishing, but maybe traveling would work better for her. And it did. Traveling maybe didn't save Payson's life, but it definitively saved her mind and spirit. It taught her so much about herself and about the world around her. There were many things she owed Sasha for, and maybe that advice was her biggest debt.

Thinking back on it, while she was packing her bag to go visit her parents, she wondered if he had already met his wife, Amanda, by the time they have last spoken. Hadn't she asked about him? He had told her he lived in Chicago at the time but was about to move. Why hadn't she asked more?

Payson zipped up the front of the bag and closed the lid. Having always been great at packing, she didn't have to stress to get to the airport on time. She took the time to empty the fridge of the few items that would be bad while she was away, pulled out the cords to the TV and lamps around the apartment, and then made sure the apartment was locked up properly.

If she'd wanted to, Payson could have gotten a limo to the airport, traveled first class and bought crazy expensive gifts along the way. But during her travels, she had made a lot of friends that didn't have the economy she did, and they had taught her to travel the proper way. To save money, to sleep in hostels, to hitchhike and to use public transportation. The point of traveling was somewhere in the midst of that. In the adventure and in the friends you made along the road.

The trip to Minnesota wasn't much of an adventure though. Which was a welcome relief. When she knocked on the door to her parents' house they looked as though she had climbed Mount Everest for them though.

"Payson! What are you doing here?" her mother exclaimed and pulled her into a hug. "Come inside!"

The house Payson grew up in, the one that had been rented out for five years while they lived in Boulder, looked pretty much as it always had. Its yellow walls were newly painted, but it was still the same color. The kitchen was new, it had been Payson's Christmas gift to her parents a few years ago, but it looked very much the same as it always had. Payson had so many memories of early mornings and late evenings with her parents and sister in that kitchen.

"Hi Payson, what a pleasant surprise!" her father got up from the kitchen table where he sat with a cup of coffee in front of him. He pulled her into a hug. "Long time no see kid," he said and let her go.

"So how was the reunion?" her mother asked, taking down another cup from the cupboard and motioning for Payson to join them at the table.

_ Hi Payson, _

_ Did you get home okay? My flight was delayed over five hours; you can imagine how my mood was… Anyway, Amanda and Alex picked me up from the airport so I got home okay. Amanda says hi, Alex thought you were a cartoon and couldn't really understand how I met you. She now wants me to set up a play date for her and Pippi Longstocking. _

_ It was really good seeing you again. Let me know if you're in my part of the word any time soon. _

_ Sasha. _

Payson smiled when she read his short email. Why would his daughter think she was a cartoon? During her career, and for a couple of years after it ended, she had been called a role model, idol, girl crush… but never a cartoon. Maybe it was something with three-year-olds that she didn't understand. She didn't have much, if any really, experience with children.

"Hey honey," her mother suddenly said from the doorway to Payson's childhood room. "Ready to leave for your grandmother's?"

Her grandmother had invited the Keeler family over for dinner. It had been ages since Payson had seen her family: her grandparents and aunts and cousins. She was actually looking forward to the small gathering, even though she knew there would be lots of questions about what Payson was doing with her life and why she continued to throw away her youth. "Give me fifteen minutes?" Payson asked, looking over at her mom quickly before looking down on the laptop screen again. "Just gonna answer an email."

Kim nodded and disappeared downstairs again.

Payson remained staring at the email for fifteen minutes without knowing what to answer. There were so many things she wanted to ask him, things she wanted to know about his life. She really hoped he was happy. He deserved that. It sounded like he was, by the way he spoke about his family. Somehow it was strange to imagine Sasha Belov as a family man. But as long as he was happy, she guessed it was okay.

When the fifteen minutes were up her mother called from the front door, asking if she was ready. Payson had no choice but to close the lid of her laptop, grab her phone and jacket and head downstairs to her parents.

"You never told us if Sasha was at the reunion," her father asked as they all sat down in the car.

After fastening her seatbelt Payson looked up at the review mirror in the roof. She could see her father's eyes in it. He looked curious, and Payson assumed her mother had the same look in her eyes. "He was," Payson said as her father backed the car out of the driveway. "He came in from London for it."

"Oh, he's back living in London?" her mother asked. "How was he? What was he up to?"

During the years Payson had wondered why her mother and her former coach lost touch. They had been friends and colleagues, but sometime during Payson's time in college, her mother stopped giving her updates from calls to Sasha.

"He was good," Payson said. "He was in a hurry to get back to his family though."

"He's got a family?" her mother sounded surprised.

"Wife and daughter," Payson said, looking up at the review mirror. She met her father's eyes. While her mother was chatting on about being happy for Sasha, her father looked anything but happy. He looked kind of sad but didn't say anything. Kim's voice was the only one heard in the car, but Payson couldn't help feeling like her father was pitying her. Why did people assuming she was still harboring a crush for a man she'd had the hots for as an 18-year-old?

_ Hi Sasha! _

_ I can only imagine. I remember that time when the flight from Brazil was two hours late and you missed a soccer game or something. You were insufferable the whole trip. _

_ I got home okay and then got to Minnesota okay. Visiting the parents for a bit. I was only planning to stay for a couple of days, but Becca called and said she would be home for the weekend so I thought I would extend my trip a little so I could see her. We don't see each other much these days, with her being in NYC and me being in SF and all. I'm heading to Kelly's next. In a couple of months, I have a lot of obligations at home, so I'm taking the opportunity to visit everyone I should visit before that. _

_ Anyway, what I wanted to ask was why on earth your daughter thinks I'm a cartoon? _

_ Tell your wife and daughter I say hi. _

_ Love, _

_ Payson. _

Not until she had pressed send did she see the word love at the end of the email. Her heart did a double beat. He wouldn't take it the wrong way, would he? No, he knew she didn't feel like that anymore, didn't he? It was just a normal way to end an email, she would not fret over it.

"Pay, I'm heading to the gym, do you wanna come?" Becca asked over the breakfast table Saturday morning. Payson's 24-year-old sister had gotten in the evening before and they were eating breakfast together, all four of them, as a family for the first time in probably a year.

"Sure," Payson said, finishing her coffee. "I'm just going to take a shower. Give me 20?"

Becca nodded. "I'll do some reading then."

Growing up Becca had always been good in school. Kind of effortlessly good in a way that Payson had never been. Payson had loved writing and literature, but the rest she could gladly have skipped. Becca, on the other hand, had been so good in math and science and English and history… pretty much anything she did. It hadn't been a surprise when Becca decided to go to med-school. She had given up gymnastics for it, which was a choice Payson would never understand, but she respected her sister for it.

After a quick shower, Payson pulled on a pair of jeans shorts and a t-shirt before following Becca out to her younger sister's car.

"How's school going?" Payson asked as they buckled in.

"Okay," Becca said, looking over her own shoulder to back out the car. "Lots to do, but I do okay."

Better than okay, Payson would guess. "Everyone at the reunion says hi by the way, too bad you couldn't make it."

Becca nodded, turning left out of their parents' neighborhood. It was a familiar way, one both girls had taken so many times in their life. "I was so disappointed when I realized I had a test that Monday, I just couldn't get away… How was everyone? Who was there?"

During the short ride to the St. Paul Gym Payson told her sister about everything that had happened during the reunion. About their former friends doing well, about Sasha being there. Becca listened and while she drove she didn't ask any questions, she just nodded along. Becca was the first and only one to not get hung up on the fact that Sasha had a family. She didn't look at Payson with pity.

"We talked about getting together soon again, not letting it take almost ten years before we see each other again," Payson said.

"As that'll happen," Becca said with a laugh.

Payson knew her sister was right but didn't dwell on it since they parked outside the gym and Becca turned the car off. The St. Paul Gym had been where Payson had her first gymnastics class. Her parents had taken her after Payson had whined their heads off one summer. Payson had seen a gymnastics competition on TV and after that, it was the only thing the four-year-old could think of. She had often wondered if her parents ever regretted taking her to the gym when classes started after the summer break. Had they thought about it? That if Payson hadn't tried gymnastics, they wouldn't have moved to Boulder, her parents wouldn't have spent a year apart, her mother wouldn't have had to work in a gym.

"You coming, Pay?"

Payson looked away from the sign above the building and saw that her sister was already halfway across the parking lot. She took a stronger grip on her purse and followed Becca inside. The gym looked like it always had. Payson hadn't been there in way over ten years and she still recognized the building as if she had been there yesterday.

"Becca!" two girls, dressed in St. Paul's gymnastic team jacket squealed and came running off the floor. They both threw themselves around Becca's neck.

Sometimes Payson envied her sister. Becca was normal in a way Payson would never be. Becca had friends, long-term best friends, she was getting herself a really good education and Payson knew that as soon as her sister could, she would buy a house where she would let her future children grow up. Becca would grow up to be like their parents, reliable, fierce and all-around good people. Payson wished she wanted that. Sometimes she wondered if it was gymnastics that had ruined her for the rest of the life. A husband, a nine to five job - it had never appealed to Payson. Just the thought of it suffocated her. She couldn't deal with tight schedules and plans anymore.

"Oh my… Payson?"

Payson turned and looked back at Becca's friends. She vaguely recognized them. "Jenny and Mia, right?" she asked, feeling embarrassed to not remember her sister's best friends. But she seemed to have gotten the names right because both girls hugged her. "How are you doing? Are you coaching here?" she asked.

"Yep, co-head coaches," they both smiled proudly.

"Congratulation," Payson smiled.

"You haven't thought about coaching?"

Next to them, Becca started laughing, Payson feigned hurt. "What?" she asked her sister. "I could coach if I wanted."

"Yeah, but you would kill off your gymnasts one after another. You hate people Payson."

Ignoring her sister she turned to the coaches again. "Well, I probably wouldn't be the best coach." They all laughed.

The young girls and boys called for Jenny's and Mia's attention and the girls had to say goodbye. Before they split up though, they decided to go out the same evening to get something to eat and a few drinks. Payson had never been out in St. Paul, so she looked forward to it. They waved to Becca's friends and to the gymnasts that were too young to know who Payson or Becca were.

.

The summer evenings were getting shorter and darker, as they should at the end of August. It was already dark and chilly when they walked from the restaurant where they had eaten dinner to the club just a block away. Payson had had a couple of glasses of wine and she felt brave as they entered the loud club. The kind of brave that never ended well. But she had no thought about that at all as she ordered a drink and followed her sister toward the edge of the dance floor.

Pop song after pop song were being played. Songs they could dance to but Payson couldn't name or sing along to as her sister could. Every other song they all went back to the bar to order more to drink. Even though Payson actually drank every other water, she was quickly feeling properly drunk.

"I'm going to head to the restroom!" Payson shouted over the music to her sister. She declined Becca's request to follow her and instead went alone. It wasn't too bad of a line and it was soon her turn. Slipping out of her tight jeans she jumped when her phone fell out of the pocket and made a sound as it landed on the floor.

"Shit," she said, quickly picking it up. To her relief, it looked whole. She sat down on the toilet and slid the screen open. After only seconds of hesitation, she opened a new text.  _ I misssss youuuu! _ She wrote and pressed send.

By the time she left the restroom, heading outside for some air, her phone vibrated in her pocket. It was Sasha calling. If Payson hadn't drunk two glasses of wine and several drinks, she wouldn't have answered the phone. But now she did.

"Hello!" she said, sitting down on an empty bench.

"Are you drunk Payson Keeler?" Sasha asked. His voice was rough as if she had woken him, but he sounded happy, almost gleeful.

"Well yes Sasha Belov, I am," she couldn't stop herself from giggling.

"Where are you?" he asked, the sound of sheets moving made it through the line.

"Out," she said, leaning back against the backrest of the bench, she pulled her legs close to her chest. "Where are you?"

"In bed, like most people at this ungodly hour," he said. Even though he tried to sound annoyed, she could still hear the smile on his lips.

"Did I wake your family up?" she asked, not even considering it until the picture of him in bed together with another woman entered her brain when she tried to imagine how he looked as they talked. Suddenly the image of him and his wife was everything she could see or think of.

"No, it's okay," he said. "By the way I called you, remember?"

Nodding slowly to herself she realized he was right. "Why did you call?" she asked, fingering the hem of her jeans. The jeans were so tight it made it difficult to sit with the knees so close to her chest, but it made her feel warmer.

"I just wanted to say I miss you too," Sasha said. Payson didn't know how to respond to that, so they sat in silence until he took a deep breath and continued. "Will you come to visit?"

The picture of him, his wife and his daughter, the one he'd had in his wallet, was all she could see. "Is that a good idea?" she asked.

"Of course it is!" he said, sounding happy.

Without saying too much more they ended the call. Payson remained seated on the bench. Close to the door a group of kids, closer to her sister's age than her own, were smoking. They laughed loudly, bickering and shouting at each other in between. Payson wanted to join in the laughter, or head inside to find her sister, or just stare straight ahead without a worry in the world. But she couldn't. The happiness from a moment ago had disappeared; instead, all she could feel was a sharp pain in her chest. Sasha had a family. A wife and a child.

.

Never in her life had Payson had a worse hangover as she woke up in her childhood room. The blue walls were spinning around her and before she could even open her eyes properly she had to run into the toilet to empty the content of her stomach. Stumbling back to bed she cursed herself for drinking, or for existing at all. A few deep breaths were all she could muster before falling back asleep.

That routine was performed three times before she at least felt like a human and could manage the stairs down to the kitchen. Her mother was making lunch and her sister looked like she was dead, her head and arms spread over the kitchen table.

"Fun night out?" Kim asked, pouring a cup of coffee to Payson as she sat down at the kitchen island.

"Yeah," Payson mumbled, sipping the hot liquid.

"Your phone has been vibrating," Kim said, motioning toward the bench by the fridge where Payson's phone was charging.

It was a pleasant surprise that it was actually charging, for all Payson knew she could have forgotten it in the cab on the way home or something similarly stupid. With her last energy, she got up and got the phone. Sitting down again she turned the screen on. A few new emails she ignored, her Facebook showed at least two new notifications that she didn't bother checking right away. What got her attention was a text message from Sasha's number.

_ It would be fun if you came to visit. -Amanda. _


	3. Chapter 3

To fly from LA to London takes far too long for it to ever be comfortable. It doesn't matter how much Payson likes to travel, just flying is boring. She spends the flight watching two movies that she can't even remember the names of, reading half a book she couldn't tell you the plot of, and trying to write. But she quickly gave up on it all. She packed her phone and laptop in her purse and then spent the rest of the trip wiggling her knee, nervously thinking about what she was about to do.

After the eternity that was the flight, they landed outside London and suddenly Payson thought the trip had gone by way too fast. She wasn't prepared, she wasn't ready. Meeting Sasha at the reunion had only been okay because she hadn't been expecting it. Now she knew what was waiting, and it wasn't only Sasha, it was his family as well.

Heathrow was busy and full of people just like it had been the previous times Payson had been there. Now she was looking for someone though, it was a new experience. Entering the arrival hall she looked around at the people welcoming friends and loved ones to the country. Her eyes traveled over unfamiliar faces.

"Hello!"

Payson looked down at the small figure that had pulled her shirt. Even if she hadn't seen the picture from his wallet only a couple of weeks before, there would never have been a question if the girl in front of her was Sasha's child or not. The hair was blond, almost slightly red, and the small girl had the exact same blue eyes as Sasha. "Hello there," Payson said, smiling at the young girl. "Where are your parents?" she asked, looking around.

The little girl didn't seem worried about the lack of Sasha or Amanda; instead, she tried to pinch Payson's leg.

"Ouch," Payson crunched down so she was closer to the girl's level. "What are you doing?"

The girl smiled and suddenly looked shy. "Did you walk out of the picture?" the girl, Alex Payson reminded herself, asked.

"What picture?" she asked. "I came with the airplane."

"Does Pippi live with you?" Alex asked seriously.

Payson was about to answer, but she was cut short by worried shouts of Alex's name. Alex looked like she knew exactly why they were calling for her. A small smile grew on her lips and she hid behind Payson as they both spotted Sasha coming through the sea of people. Payson stood while Alex giggled behind her legs.

"Hey Coach, lost anything?" Payson asked.

Sasha came to a stop, looking around before their eyes locked. She motioned down to the girl behind her and she could see him sigh of relief. "Alex! You can't run away like that!" he said.

"Daddy! Daddy! She's real!" Alex asked once again pinching Payson before running to her dad.

When Sasha lifted up his daughter and kissed her cheek Payson didn't know if she should cry or laugh. It actually hurt, how cute they were.

"Sasha! Did you… Oh, Alex, there you are!" from behind Sasha, a woman swooped in, talking to the three-year-old in Sasha's arms. "Oh, Payson! It's so nice to see you! I'm Amanda."

"Hi," was all Payson could get out. In front of her stood the most beautiful woman she had ever seen. She was taller than Payson, her hair as blonde, but curly and shiny. Amanda was dressed in a loose fitted dress and flip-flops. Never before in her life had Payson felt so underdressed in her too-big t-shirt and leggings. She wished she had at least put makeup on before leaving the plane. Or even just brushed her hair. God, why could she never at least try to look presentable?

"Are you hungry? Or tired?" Amanda asked, reaching to help Payson with her suitcase. "Let's get home and you can rest or eat or shower, or whatever you want," she smiled.

"I can stay at a hotel you know," Payson started, but Sasha and Amanda both cut her off before she could even finish her offer.

"Of course you're staying with us!" Amanda said.

"We definitively have the room," Sasha added.

It turns out that they really had the room. It's a beautiful old red brick house the small family was living in. Even though the house didn't look too big from the outside it was huge inside. The kitchen was light and airy, as was the adjoining living room. A home office and a playroom were the only other two rooms on the bottom floor. Sasha carried her suitcase to the second floor and showed her around. The master bedroom was next to Alex's bedroom; the other three rooms were two bathrooms and a guest room.

Sasha put the suitcase in the guest room and showed her the bath next to it. She was thankful when Sasha left her some privacy so she could take a quick shower and change into a pair of jeans and a clean top. After applying some mascara she made her way downstairs again. In the kitchen, the Belov family was cooking.

"Look, mommy! She's in the picture and here at the same time!" Alex suddenly shouted from the door to the home office.

"Why does your daughter think I'm a cartoon?" Payson asked, leaning against the doorway to the kitchen.

Sasha turned around and she couldn't help to notice how he lit up when he saw her. "It's because of the picture," he said. "I'll show you," he added and walked past her out of the kitchen and into the office. One wall of the room was covered in bookshelves, and Payson immediately spotted a photo of the American team the London Olympics. It was from after their Team Gold, she recognized the happiness in the picture.

Sasha grabbed the photo and sat down on the floor by his daughter. Payson copied his move.

"Look, daddy!" Alex said and pointed at first Payson in the picture and then at Payson. "Here and here!" she said.

"Well, it's like with daddy, do you remember? It's a photo, a picture of real humans. Not like Pippi in the books."

Alex nodded slowly, but then quickly lost interest in the picture. "Do you wanna see my books?" she asked Payson as they all stood. Payson nodded, unsure what else to do. Alex ran away and Payson turned to the books in the room. The shelves held everything from old classics to new criminal novels.

"Ever seen this series?" Sasha asked from the shelf closest to the window. Payson walked over to him as saw that he was holding one of her books. Her cheeks turned red, she was sure of it.

"No I haven't," she said, but she didn't take the book from him to read the back of it, as she would have if it had actually been a book she didn't know.

"Really?" he asked.

She looked up at his smirk. "How did you know?" she asked. The only people that knew, except her agent, were Becca, her parents, and Kelly. Neither of them would ever tell anyone else the secret of who the author PK was.

"It's not a very imaginative name," he said. When she didn't say anything his smile grew larger. "I'm not gonna tell you."

Shaking her head she looked away from him. "You haven't told anyone?"

"Of course not," he said. He sounded so earnest she had to look back at him. "You can trust me," he added.

"I do," she whispered. If possible, he smiled even larger at her words.

"Dinner's ready guys!" Amanda called from the kitchen.

Dinner was an interesting affair. Little Alex was entertaining them all with a story about a very unlikely play date with Pippi Longstocking. Payson kept sneaking glances at Sasha and Amanda, both focused on Alex. It felt almost a little intruding to be at the dinner, it felt like it was family time and there Payson was, just hanging around. Neither of the Belovs said anything to make her feel like that, she guessed she just wasn't used to family dinners.

After dinner, Amanda announced she would put Alex to bed. The two of them disappeared up the stairs.

"Tea?" Sasha asked after he finished loading the dishwasher.

"Yes please," Payson said even though he had already placed two cups on the bench. "So, do you like... Work?" She asked. The question had been simmering in her brain for a while now.

"Nope, or well, a stay at home dad is hard work." He said with a little laugh. "Amanda works as a nurse, so we decided I would be home with Alex. She goes to daycare a few hours a day though."

Payson was amazed by the man in front of her. Not the fact that he wanted to be home with his daughter, but more the fact how he lit up when he talked about his family. She's never questioned his love for them, but it was strange, seeing her former coach like a family man.

"Did you always know you wanted a family?" Payson asked. She took the cup Sasha handed her and they walked into the living room. Sitting down on the sofa they didn't even bother turning the TV on. Payson pulled her legs up under her and hugged the mug with both hands.

"Definitively not," he said.

Payson wanted to ask what changed, and when it changed. She was 28 years old and she didn't dream about a husband and child, would she ever change her mind? It felt too intimate to ask though.

"How did you and Amanda meet?" She asked instead. At least she could still some of her curiosities.

"We've known each other forever," Sasha said with a fond smile that sent a stab of pain through Payson's heart. Maybe everyone was right. Maybe she had been hung up on the same man for ten years. She quickly ignored the thought and listened to what her former coach was saying.

Sasha told her about how he grew up together with Amanda. Amanda and her family had moved to Romania when her father got a job there on the British Embassy. Their mothers became instant best friends. It was a sad day when Amanda's family moved back to Leeds, England when Amanda was 11 years old. It was the fact that Amanda's family lived in England that made Sasha's mother move there when his parents split up. He followed his mother. "And the rest is history," he said.

She nodded slowly, watching the almost empty mug in her hands.

"We decided to get pregnant when Amanda found out she had the gene for breast cancer," Sasha said. "Her mother died when we were 18, but she didn't get tested until a few years ago."

"She's got breast cancer?" Payson asked, horrified.

He shook his head. "Just the gene, she had surgery to remove her breasts after she gave birth to Alex."

Payson tried to imagine having her breast removed, or knowing there was a big risk she could get cancer. It sounded so frightening.

"Wow," she mumbled under her breath.

Sasha offered her a small smile. "She's brave, Amanda."

Payson nodded and agreed. She sounded like an amazing woman.

.

Payson stared at the ceiling of the guest bedroom for hours without being able to fall asleep. She blamed jet lag as she sat up with a sigh. After pulling on a hoodie and socks she carefully walked out of the guest bedroom and down to the bottom floor of the house. She got herself a glass of water and then aimlessly wandered around while she drank it. In the home office, she came to a stop in front of the books. She spotted her three books and pulled out the first. On the dedication page, she read: For every one that made it possible. When she wrote the book she had wanted to write names, but if she had, people would have known it was she who wrote it, and she hadn't been prepared for that.

"Can't sleep?"

Payson jumped at the voice, almost dropping the book on her toes.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you!" Amanda said with a smile. "Jet lag?"

Payson nodded. "Yeah, it's always worst traveling east."

Amanda agreed. "Do you want anything to eat or drink?"

Payson held up the now empty glass. "I helped myself," she said, feeling slightly embarrassed, maybe she wasn't supposed to wander around their house.

But Amanda only smiled and said she was welcome to anything in the kitchen. Entering the room Amanda looked down on the book Payson was still holding in her hands. "Maybe a weird question but... Did you write those?" she asked, nodding at the book. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, it's just that Sasha basically forced me to read them and talked for months about how good they were." Payson couldn't help smiling. "I mean they are good, but not exactly Sasha's kind of favorite literature if you know what I mean?"

Payson nodded, ignoring the heat in her cheeks, she knew what Amanda meant. "I... Yeah, I wrote them."

"You're a really talented writer."

"Thank you."

"Are you working on anything else?" Amanda asked, sitting down in one of the soft chairs just inside the door to the office.

"The last book in the series is about to be published," she said, putting the book back on the shelf before sitting down in their chair. She placed the empty glass on the small table between the chairs. She suddenly realized how late it was. "I hope I didn't wake you up?" she said.

"Not at all," Amanda said, pulling the cardigan over her thin shoulders closer around herself. "I've had so many strange dreams lately that I'm having trouble sleeping sometimes."

"Oh, that's not fun," Payson said, not knowing what else to say.

"It'll pass," Amanda said. "Wanna watch a movie?"

"Sure," Payson said. Both women rose and walked out to the living room. They decided on a romantic movie with some actor Payson didn't know the name of.

.

The time passed quickly. Suddenly Payson had been in London for five days and her body had gotten used to the time change. She had spent the days at home with Sasha and Alex while Amanda worked. Amanda came back around dinnertime and they all ate together. Then they spent the evenings together, all four of them playing in Alex's room. It was Friday morning when Amanda told them she had the day off and asked if Payson wanted to come shopping with her. Payson quickly agreed, she really liked Amanda and she was looking forward to getting to know her better.

The two women left the man and child at home and got into the car and drive toward the shopping mall Amanda had been talking about.

During the last few days, Payson had learned that Amanda was a very funny and smart woman. She could see why Sasha liked her, and somehow that made it more okay. It made it easier to let go of the small piece of jealousy she was feeling, knowing that Sasha got the significant other he deserved.

"When did you get married?" Payson asked as Amanda stopped the car at a red light.

"When I got pregnant," she said. "It was just a precaution really, for the baby and for him if something would happen with me."

"Doesn't exactly sound romantic," Payson laughed.

"Ugh, who needs romance anyway?" She asked. Payson was about to ask more about the woman next to her, but suddenly she noticed how Amanda was biting her lip and looked nervous. Payson looked up and saw that it wasn't a mall they were driving up to, it was a hospital.

"Is this where you work?" She asked.

Amanda shook her head and continued driving in silence. Not until she had found a parking spot and turned the engine off did she turn to look at Payson again. The woman's eyes were big and full of worry. Not until now did Payson notice the dark circle under her eyes and the pale complexion.

"I'm sorry about this," she said.

"About what?" Payson asked, confused.

"I've got a doctor's appointment and I thought I could go by myself, but I... And I couldn't... I can't ask Sasha, not yet."

"Okay," Payson said, she took her seatbelt off when Amanda did. "What kind of doctor appointment? Amanda?"

"I've... I'm sorry..." She mumbled. "I just..." She took a deep breath and met Payson's eyes for the first time. "I've got breast cancer."

"What? But you removed your beasts, Sasha told me."

The sad smile on Amanda's lips was heartbreaking. "It was already too late then." Payson was about to ask more questions, but Amanda continued talking. "I took some time off work without telling Sasha to have the treatment after the surgery."

Payson's head was spinning. "Why are you telling me this?" Payson asked with a sinking feeling in her stomach.

"Because I'm pretty sure what the doctor is about to tell me isn't good news... And I... I needed you here when he finds out."

"Sasha?"

She nodded. "He's been in love with you for twelve years. If anything can help him through this, it's you."

Payson wanted to tell Amanda she was wrong. Sasha wasn't in love with her. She had been the one to have a crush on him.

"We've never been anything else than best friends Payson."

"What?" Payson asked, once again looking up to meet Amanda's eyes. "I wanted a child, Sasha agreed. We're not... We're not in love. We've never been."

Payson didn't know what to say, she wasn't sure what Amanda was saying.

"Alex will always have Sasha, and I know they'll get through, but I want him to be more than okay. Whatever happens in there," she motioned to the hospital. "I want him to be happy, and I'm done being his excuse."


	4. Chapter 4

Payson found Sasha where Amanda had told her he would be. He sat on the pier, looking out over the sea. Payson felt the exhaustion come, she had been driving for hours and not until she saw him could she relax. She made her way to the edge of the dock and sat down next to him. He didn't look at her, but she could practically feel him move closer to her.  
"I'm sorry," she whispered.

Sasha shook his head. "I don't understand," he whispered. His voice was shaky and thin. "What did the doctor say?"

Payson looked at her hands, afraid to look over at him to see his tears. "Dr. Moore said that they had tried everything, and with the cancer being spread to both the bones and the liver, they couldn't do anything else."

"And they gave her a few months?" Sasha whispered.

"They gave her a few months," Payson confirmed. It felt surreal, talking about Amanda dying. It was even stranger to think that Payson was the one doing the calming. She who had just hours before found out herself was now acting some sort of expert when Sasha was breaking down next to her.

"God, what am I going to do?" He asked, a sob escaping his lips.

Payson felt her head break into tiny pieces and tears threatening to spill. "You'll be there to support her," she said. "And you'll be there for your daughter."

The thought of Alex having to grow up without her mother was devastating.

"Maybe there are some other doctors?" Sasha asked. "Like with your back," he turned around and Payson found herself looking into his wet eyes. "I could fix your back, I can fix her." He was about to stand but Payson reached out and pulled him down again.

"Sasha, this is different," she said, voice low. She thought about the hour Payson and Amanda had spent in the car before driving away from the hospital. Amanda had made her promise to make sure Sasha didn't do anything crazy. The doctor had been brutally honest, there was nothing left to do. Nothing. Payson had asked the doctor, told her that money was not an issue, but the doctor hasn't budged. No one could do anything anymore. No experimental drugs or surgery, no weird naturalistic doctors. Now all they could do was to ease the pain and prepare for Alex and Sasha to live on.

Amanda hadn't cried, not during the whole meeting. Not when the doctor told her the bad news, not when the doctor went through what was going to happen now, and not when she was told to get her affairs in order. Amanda hadn't cried in the car afterward, or when she told Sasha.

"We should get back, Sasha," Payson said. Amanda had told her they should take their time, but all Payson could think about was how Amanda was alone in the house, well, alone with Alex, and she had no one to distract her from wandering minds. "You need to go back home to Amanda and Alex."

Payson rose, but only got halfway before Sasha stopped her with a hand on her arm. "I understand why she was so keen on having you come to visit now," he whispered.  
"What?" Payson asked.

Sasha shook his head but let go of Payson so she could stand, Sasha then followed suit. "Can you drive? We'll leave my car."

Payson nodded. She wasn't very comfortable driving on the left side of the road, but she guessed she would be a safer driver anyway. She had never seen any human being in the state Sasha was now. He looked crushed like someone had reached into his chest and pulled his heart out. Payson had always thought she had felt devastation when she was told she couldn't do gymnastics any more but watching Sasha it was clear she had never been anywhere near it.

The drive back to Sasha's and Amanda's house was quiet. Payson tried to focus on the driving, but her eyes slipped over to watch Sasha now and then. He was quiet the whole drive, staring straight ahead. She wondered what he was thinking. Was he thinking of possible ways to help Amanda? Or was he cursing the world? She would never know because she was too afraid to ask. She simply didn't know what to say.

When Payson parked the car on the driveway outside the brick house Sasha took a deep breath before turning to her. "Could you take Alex? Stay in the house with her?" Payson nodded but didn't interrupt him. "I just need to… Amanda and I need to talk."

"Of course, whatever you need," she whispered, turning the engine off. They got out of the car and headed inside. On the floor of the living room were Amanda and Alex playing with cars.  
"Paypay! Daddy!" Alex smiled as they walked inside.

After a short glance at Amanda, who looked strong as ever, and at Sasha, Payson crunched next to the little girl. "Hey Alex, wanna go to your room to play?"

Alex seemed elated by the idea and she took Payson's hand to drag the older girl up the stairs. The two of them played until Alex started to yawn and looked very sleepy on the eyes. A while ago Payson had heard the front door close silently and since then there hasn't been a sound from the lower floor of the house.

"Alex, wanna have a sleepover?" Payson asked, starting to gather the toys and put them away. "We could sleep in a fort!"

Alex smiled again. "Really? How?" she asked, she didn't look like she trusted Payson completely.

"Come, I'll show you!"

Payson and Alex spent the night in a fort built by pillows and blankets. In the early hours of the morning, Payson heard the front food open and steps up the stairs. A moment later she peeked out from under the blanket and saw Sasha and Amanda looking at the fort with fond eyes.

"Thank you," Amanda whispered.

Payson smiled but didn't say anything in case she would wake up the sleeping three-year-old next to her.

The next time Payson was woken up it was by Alex kissing her cheek.

"Good morning," Payson smiled.

"Morning," Alex sat up. "Are we going to play today?"

And so the playdate began.

.

When she arrived in London, Payson had planned to stay a week, ten days tops. But the days passed quickly and before she knew it she had been there for two weeks, then three. Her sister, mother, and Kelly all called and were worried, asking if something had happened. Not sure what to say, she simply said she liked London and would stay a little longer. Neither Amanda nor Sasha seemed in any rush to kick her out of the house. Payson didn't feel the need to run either. For the first time, ever, family life didn't scare her.  
Amanda had started the last round of palliative radiation to lessen the pain she was feeling from the metastases in her ribs. Sasha spent the days by her side at the hospital and Payson often picked Alex up from daycare and spent her afternoons with her.

When Amanda had good days she and Payson would take Alex to the pool, or the playground or the two older women would go shopping by themselves. Amanda didn't talk much about cancer or any symptoms thereof, but it was quite clear that the degeneration of her body went faster than the doctors had expected.

"I think me and Alex are going to go get our hair cut," Amanda declared one day at breakfast. Amanda still had her long blond, almost red, hair. She had told Payson once that she had planned on telling Sasha when she started losing her hair, but that moment never came and she was simply too chicken to tell him. "Why don't you two go work out or whatever former Olympic medalists do on days off?"

Said and done. Amanda and Alex disappeared in Amanda's car and Payson headed upstairs to change into gym clothes. It was a while since she had been working out.

"Oh, sorry," Sasha turned, looking away from where Payson was changing clothes. She had shorts and a sports bra on and she wanted to say something about the fact that she had worked out in similar clothes days on end while he was her coach, it couldn't be anything new he saw. Instead, she pulled the T-shirt on.

"Ready?" He asked when she nodded he lead the way down to his car. "Amanda gave me the address to some gym."

They drove in silence, watching the passing house with happy families whose mothers weren't dying from cancer. Payson took a deep breath, steadying herself.

"Do you train a lot?" He asked, speeding up after an intersection.

She shook her head. "Not really," she said. "You?"

"I box, sometimes," he said. "When I've got the time..." He mumbled the last and then the silence fell heavy again. "You don't need to stay, you know," he said.

"I want to," she said. "As long as you don't want me to leave?"

"I like that you're here," he said, the small smile was the first one she had seen on his lips in a long time.

"I like it too," she said. "I like Amanda and Alex."

His smile faltered a little. "I knew you two would hit it off," he said. Payson didn't know if he meant her and Alex or her and Amanda, she didn't ask and he didn't specify. The last of the twenty-minute drive passed in silence. Not until Sasha parked the car did he speak again.

"Should have known it," he said, shaking his head. "Do you recognize it?"

Of course, she recognized it. It was the gym where they had practiced before the Olympics. For two weeks had they trained there to get their bodies used to the new time zone. They hadn't moved into the Olympic village until the day before the Opening Ceremony.

They left the car and headed inside. The gym was empty except for a woman in one of the offices with glass walls.

"I'll go make sure we can be here," he said, nodding toward the office.

Payson nodded and took off her shoes. The gym looked like she remembered it. It was funny. It was the third gym she was in in a matter of weeks, before that she hadn't been in one for more than five years. She hadn't trained in one for ten years though. After the Olympics, she hadn't trained gymnastics even once.

Walking further into the gym it felt like she was transported back ten years in time. If she closed her eyes the smell of chalk and the springy feeling under her feet felt so natural. She stood in front of the beam for a minute. She could still remember her routine from the Olympics. With a deep breath did she mounted it.

"Pay!? You can't go straight on apparatuses! What happened with warming up?"

Payson couldn't stop herself from laughing. "Well, you're not my coach anymore so I don't have to do what you say!" She called back.

"Don't blame me when you rupture your muscles!"

Payson rolled her eyes, of course, he was right, but she didn't want to think about that. She walked over the beam, letting her body and mind get used to the now unfamiliar feeling.  
On the floor Sasha was doing their old warm-up routine, running around the square marked for floor exercise.

"Are you coming?" He called, running sideways.

She groaned but jumped down from the beam. Not exactly how she had dismounted it in the past. She jogged over to her former coach and joined him in the warm-up.

It was ten years since Payson had last practiced gymnastics, fifteen since Sasha quit, and considering that, they did okay. Or at least that's what they told themselves.

"I'm dead!" Payson announced and lay down on the floor.

"Are you giving up?" Sasha asked, jumping down from the parallel bar where they had competed in pull-ups. Or they had started just training, but it had quickly turned into a competition, one Sasha was winning, with ease.

"Yes, I am giving up," she said, letting her arms fall on the floor, spread from her body.

"Why, Payson Keeler, I'm appalled! Have you become a quitter?" He asked, leaning over her so he could look her in the eyes.

"Yep, that's me, Payson Keeler, the quitter," she smirked at him. "You won."

He laughed. "Those words might have meant more ten years ago when you could have beaten me at something."

Payson sat up again. "Are you saying you would beat me in every physical test there is?" Those words had her up on her feet again. Sure, she was out of shape, but she wasn't that much worse than Sasha. "Come on, let's compete on… the beam!" she pointed a finger at him. "You will never beat me on the beam!"

"I've never trained or competed on a beam, of course, you would beat me," he said, shaking his head. "That's not even a fair competition. We should do…" he looked around the gym. Payson also looked around the gym. Both of them looked at the pit and then turned to each other.

"The rubber foam pit race!" they both said at once, moving closer to the end of the pit.

"Down, over, up, salto down and then back," Payson said.

"Three times," Sasha added.

The two former gymnasts stood on the end of the rubber foam pit, looking at each other while they counted down from three. On go, they both threw themselves into the pit and started running. Even if Sasha was stronger than her, Payson had the advantage of being lighter and therefore not sinking as far down as him. They both raced across the pit, climbed up on the other side to just turn around and dive in again.

The rubber foam pit race was something every gymnast had done. Playing in the pit was the funniest thing in gymnastics training when you were seven years old.

"You're cheating!" Sasha called as Payson got a lead diving in on the last lap. Her arms and legs were burning and she was breathing hard as she worked her hardest to get to the other side. She reached the edge, started to climb up, but before she was able to stand she felt Sasha's hand around her leg. He pulled her back into the rubber foam.

"Cheating!" she exclaimed, turning around to face him. "I…" she fell silent as his lips met hers. They broke away rather quickly, both of them still out of breath. Payson was pressed up against the wall, Sasha's body only an inch away from hers. He reached up and stroked a stray hair away from her face before going in for another kiss. Her hands found their way to his back, pulling him in closer while their lips continued moving together. A few seconds later they once again parted, this time Sasha's face remained just in front of her own.

"I won," she whispered, letting one of her hands move up his back to his neck and make a fist in the hair on the back of his head. She pulled him closer again and kissed him, once, twice. "From now on you can address me as The Rubber Foam Pit Race Champion."

He looked down, from her face to shake his head and laugh. The hot air leaving his mouth brushed her neck and made her shiver. Payson leaned in for another kiss, but before their lips met a beeping sound was heard through the gym. The sound came from where they had left their bags and Payson recognized the sound as Sasha's ringtone.

"I should get that," he said. Before getting out of the pit he closed the distance between them and kissed her quickly, chastely, one more time. As he jogged over the gym floor she tried catching her breath. It was no longer the laps in the rubber foam that made her almost woozy. Holding on to the edge of the floor for the support she turned and watch Sasha as he answered the phone. His eyes were glistering and his lips formed into a smile.

"What?" she heard him ask after having silently listened for a while. The happy expression on his face had fallen. "What ward?… Third floor? Yeah, I'll be there in half an hour."  
Payson jumped out of the pit before he could call her over. As she sprinted across the floor he was pulling his shoes on. "She's at the hospital," Sasha said. "She got chest pain and Alex… God they're at the hospital."

"Hey," Payson reached for his hand. He turned around and looked at her, but he gently pulled his hand out of her grip. She tried not letting the sting in her heard hurt too much. "We'll be there in twenty, deep breath." He nodded and grabbed both of their bags. "Do you want me to drive?" Payson asked as they jogged out of the gym and across the parking lot.

"Yeah, uhm, yeah," he agreed, walking around the car to the passenger side after giving her the keys. Payson remembered approximately where the hospital was, so while Sasha programmed the GPS she backed out of the lot. Next to her, she could hear Sasha mumble pleadings to the universe.

"Please not yet, please not yet…"

Payson agreed, but she tried not to think too much about what could be waiting for them at the hospital. Neither of them was prepared for the worst-case scenario.

.

Payson was sitting in the corridor, playing with Alex, when the doctors made their way into the room where Sasha was keeping Amanda company. As soon as they had gotten to the hospital they had been met by the news that Amanda was okay, she was just in severe pain. It wasn't anything that had gotten worse; it was rather common to have problems with pain from time to time. The only reason Amanda had driven herself to the hospital was that she had been so afraid she was having a heart attack or something and she had been worried Alex would be left alone in the city while the ambulance picked her up. So she had gone with the safe route of driving to the emergency room before the pain became insufferable or she passed out.

"Alex, do you want some food?" Payson asked, looking away from the glass window through which she could see the doctors, Amanda and Sasha talking.

"Food!" Alex exclaimed. "My stomach is empty!"

"Mine too," Payson smiled and rose. The corridors were cold, and Payson still had her sweaty workout clothes on, so she hugged herself momentarily before reaching out to take Alex's hand. She didn't interrupt Sasha and Amanda, they would be occupied by the doctors for some time, she guessed, so they slowly started walking toward the vending machine Payson had seen on their way into the hospital.

"Paypay? Why is mommy in bed?" Alex asked as they walked together down the corridor. Payson wanted to cry, but instead, she forced a smile on her lips before looking down on the small girl.

"She's tired," Payson said. "You know how sometimes you take a nap after lunch? It's like that but mommy is taking it a bit later, it's almost evening now," she explained. They stopped in front of the vending machine. "What do you want to eat girl?" she asked. "Avocado sandwich, ham sandwich, juice, apple?" Payson asked, lifting Alex so she could look at the quite nice selection of food.

"Avdo sandwich!" Alex said. "And juice, daddy says juice is like sugar."

"Are you allowed to have sugar?" Payson said, smiling at the thought of Sasha trying to teach his daughter about healthy food.

"On special days," Alex said. "Is today special Paypay?"

Payson nodded. "Today is special," she said, pulling out the wallet from her pocket. She put Alex back down on the floor and paid for three sandwiches and a juice. From the coffee machine next to the vending machine she bought two cups of coffee. "Can you help carry Alex?" She asked, holding out a sandwich and the juice for the girl.

They walked back to Amanda's room slowly, mostly so Payson wouldn't spill any of the hot coffee, but also because she was rather afraid to hear what was going on. The walls of the corridors were a terrible green color. It was probably supposed to be a warm, comforting color, but the harsh light and strange smell made them feel off, almost frighteningly hypnotizing.

"Daddy!" Alex called as they walked around the last corner. Payson looked up and saw Sasha leaning against the wall. For a moment her heart stopped and she fumbled with the coffees in her hand. Sasha dove towards her, helping her secure the cups before she spilled it all on herself.

"You okay?" He asked, trying to wipe away the coffee from her hands.

She couldn't even feel a burn from the liquid. "Fine," she said. "How's Amanda?" she asked.

"They took her down for an MRI, might take an hour before she comes back up."

"Daddy! We bought food! Paypay said it's a special day today so I got the juice!" Alex was already packing up her sandwich, setting the floor for a picnic.

"Sorry," Payson smiled a little and shrugged.

Sasha smiled back as well, but he quickly looked away and sat down next to his daughter on the floor. Payson followed suit, handing him one of the ham sandwiches she was still holding on to.

.

It was late when Sasha and Amanda came out in the corridor, ready to go home. Payson was sitting on the floor, Alex sleeping in her lap.

"I'll take her," Sasha offered when Payson struggled to get up with the three-year-old in her arms. Her legs had been asleep for hours and her right arm was almost shaking after having hugged Alex to her body for at least a couple of hours.

The three adults and the sleeping child made their way out of the hospital. Amanda explained she parked her car at the other end of the parking lot.

"I'll drive your car," Payson said. "I'll see you at home," she said.

"Wait, Pay! I'll go with you," Amanda said. "You take Alex, I'll see you at the house." She leaned in and kissed Alex on the head and Sasha on the cheek.

The two women walked slowly across the parking lot. Payson had offered to go get the car and pick Amanda up, so she didn't have to walk so far, but Amanda refused. Instead, they walked very slowly, Amanda slightly round under her feet because of the painkillers she had gotten.

"Did you have a good day?" Amanda asked. "Before all this?" She motioned at herself and the hospital.

"We did," Payson said. She wasn't sure what else to say about it. Even though it had only been a few hours, it felt distant, almost like a different lifetime.

"Just... I know Sasha, Payson, with him it's one step forward and two steps back." Amanda said. "I also know he's somehow blaming himself for me being sick..." It certainly sounded like the Sasha Payson knew. "He... Are you in love with him Payson? Do you love him?"

Payson took a deep breath, her hand on the key to the ignition but she didn't turn it around. "Yeah," she said, confessing out loud for the first time.

"Good," Amanda said, leaning back slightly in the passenger seat. "He's stubborn, but he loves you. He's in love with you," she sounded tired. "If you just give him time, and not give up on him, it'll turn out okay. You'll fight for him, right?"

Payson stared at her hand gripping the wheel. "Yeah, this time I will." She said, not looking over at Amanda. It almost felt like some kind of cosmic joke, how all the people she had been annoyed at for believing she was still in love with Sasha, had been right all along. It hadn't been the thought of a nine-to-five life and a husband that had scared her, it was the wrong nine-to-five life and the wrong husband that had.

"Good, I like a happy ending," Amanda said. "Now I'll just get some sleep on the way home. Playing matchmaker is exhausting."

The days passed slowly. Amanda spent most of her days in bed and Sasha kept her company. Payson and Alex often played on the floor of the master bedroom. It was as if time stood still. Several times both Amanda and Sasha told her she didn't need to feel forced to stay. They both looked very relieved when she told them she didn't mind. She never told them about the fact that she pushed the release of her latest book though. She knew they would want her to go back to LA to deal with it, but Payson simply couldn't. Just the thought of leaving and not knowing if she would ever see Amanda again made her nauseous.

.

It was like dark clouds were gathered just over their sky. The house was always kind of cold, even if Sasha always turned the heat up, and most of all it was quiet. Even Alex was quiet and spent most of her days practicing drawing letters with Payson.

"You know what we should do?" Amanda suddenly said one morning. "We should go on a trip to that farm we visited last year. Alex loved the animals."

"Animals?" Alex asked, looking up at the sound of her name. "Can I pet the shark?" She stood and walked over to the edge of the bed, looking at her mother with hopeful eyes.

"They don't have any sharks," Amanda said, slowly sitting up. "But you can pet the pigs."

"Pigs? Ew!"

"But they're cute!" Amanda laughed. "Daddy loves pigs."

"To eat, yeah," Sasha laughed and whispered to Payson. Alex looked happy though.

"I'll go pack a picnic," Payson said, leaving the happy family to get ready to leave.

The farm was located an hour outside London. It was a small red house with an even tinier garage next to it. On the backside of the house, they could see the paddocks. It wasn't as much a farm as it was an old couple with horses, dogs, pigs, and cows. It was a beautiful place though and the old woman showing them around the grounds was so nice.

"This is our pigs, Mr. and Mrs. Ham," the woman smiled. "Our grandchildren named them." She added at their shocked expressions.

"Pay, I dare you to go in and pet them," Amanda said, leaning against the gate.

"Do it Paypay!" Alex called out in a mix of giggles and shout.

"You do it!" she said to Alex.

"No!" Alex shouted, hiding behind her dad. "You do it Paypay! Lift the pig as Pippi!"

Payson laughed, shook her head but still walked into the pen when Amanda held open the gate for her. With a deep breath, she crouched down. "Hey pigs," she said. "Come here!" She held out the apple pieces the woman, Mrs. Weston, had given her.

One of the pigs, the smaller one, walked slowly toward her. After some initial hesitation, the pig started eating from her open palm. Alex started screaming in delight when Payson made a face because of the slimy feeling from the pig's mouth.

"Me too! Me too!" Alex called, squeezing through the small gate into the pen.

Everyone laughed as Alex giggled of disgust when the pig ate the small piece of apple she was holding out for it.

It was a sunny day, and even if the late September air was chilly, they remained outside all day. They looked at the cows, played with the dogs and fed the horses. Everyone was laughing a lot, hugging and giggling and pushing each other towards the animals. It wasn't until Alex started yawning that they decided to return home. Climbing into the car Payson noticed how Amanda grimaced at every move.

"Are you okay, Amanda?" Payson asked, helping Alex sitting down in her car seat in the back.

"Just tired," the smile on her face was more real than Payson had ever seen before. Her eyes shone, bright green.

Payson fastened both Alex's seatbelt and then her own. Sasha sat behind the wheel and drove out of the driveway.

On every little whole or bump they could all hear Amanda's sharp intake of breaths.

"You okay?" Sasha asked, time after time. At first, Amanda convincingly told them she was okay, but as the ride went on it seemed like her energy was draining. She was half asleep, half whimpering in pain. Sasha caught her eyes in the review mirror and Payson nodded. They would have to take her to the hospital.

.

"Why is mommy sick?" Alex asked as the two of them sat in the corridor outside Amanda's room. Sasha and Amanda were talking with the doctors, deciding on a course of action. It was late and Payson would take Alex home as soon as they knew what was going on.

"I don't know why," Payson said. "Sometimes the body just doesn't work like it's supposed to."

Alex looked confused but didn't ask anything else. Through the window into the room, they could see the grownups talk. It looked like Amanda was about to fall asleep and the doctors held the meeting short. When the group of three doctors left Payson took Alex's hand and walked inside. Sasha looked exhausted and devastated, Amanda looked mostly tired.

"We wanted to say good night before we go," Payson said, helping Alex to climb up into the hospital bed to hug her mother.

"Are you getting medicine?" Alex asked her mother.

Amanda nodded and pointed at the fluid going into her hand. "This is medicine," she said. "Are you going to be a good girl for daddy and Paypay while mommy is away?" Amanda asked.  
Alex nodded seriously.

"And will you water my plants? You know daddy can't remember that!"

"I'll take care of it," Alex said, throwing her arms around her mother.

Payson could see Amanda whispering to Alex, the woman's eyes were red and wet when she looked up and let her daughter go. Amanda then motioned for Payson to come in for a hug.  
"Take care of my best friend and daughter, will you?" She whispered into Payson's hair.

Payson felt tears press behind her eyes. "Of course," she said.

"There are letters in a box under my bed, will you make sure you read them?"

Payson nodded again. "I wish I had a long time to get to know you," Payson said.

When Payson let to she turned around and saw Sasha looking visibly shaken. Payson pulled him into a hug. "Stay with her to tonight," she whispered. "I'll take Alex."

He nodded and hugged Alex good night. Walking out of the room she lifted Alex so they could wave through the window. Tears were slowly rolling down Amanda's cheeks and even though Amanda didn't look to be in very bad health, Payson had a feeling it was the last time they would see her.

"Say goodnight to mommy!" Payson walked out and hugged the small girl in her arms tightly. Alex waved and shouted good night. Payson took a deep breath, a faster grip around Alex and left the hospital.

.

The following morning Payson was sitting at the kitchen table, drinking her morning cup of coffee when she saw Sasha stepping out of a cab on the driveway. She was about to point out to Alex that her daddy was home when she watched him more or less stumble on his own feet, crunching down to hold his head. His body was shaking by unheard sobs.

"Stay here Alex," she said, getting up. She hurried out the door, not bothering to put on shoes. Ragged breaths were all she heard from the man in front of her.

"Sasha?" she asked. He looked up and she saw that his eyes were swollen and wet. He rose and stepped into her open arms. His voice vibrated against her chest and his tears soaked through her shirt.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered, feeling tears escaping down her cheeks. "I'm so sorry."

"She died..." He whispered. "One moment she was there and the next she wasn't."

Payson didn't know what to answer on that, so she just hugged him tighter.


	5. Chapter 5

Stay awake, it's only noon, stay awake, it's only noon, stay awake. Payson repeated the mantra in her head as the taxi took her through the bright and sunny San Francisco. Trying to focus on the upbeat song on the radio she hummed alone.

"Left here," she said, motioning to the intersection they were driving into. It wasn't far until she was home now. Maybe she should go for a run as soon as she got there, working out always helped with jet lag. "It's just down here, you can stop at the number 14 door here."

The driver did as told and Payson handed him some bills covering the fare and a quite generous tip. With a deep breath, she stepped out of the air-conditioned car.

The weather in San Francisco was better than the London weather in October and Payson was sweating as she pulled her suitcase out of the back of the taxi. The traffic was loud, her neck was aching after the flight and she hadn't slept in 48 hours. When the second bag got stuck she just wanted to cry.

"Do you need help with that?" The cab driver looked at her with a dubious smile on his face.

"I'm fine, thanks," Payson said, pulling a little harder and the suitcase fell out of the trunk. She groaned when it landed on her foot, hurting her little toe in the process. "Fuck," she grunted.

"Daddy, Paypay said a naughty word!"

"I'm sorry," Payson said. She usually didn't swear much, but the utter exhaustion had melted her brain. In the five minutes since she had stepped out of the car, she'd already forgotten Sasha and Alex were there.

"Here, you take the child and I'll take the luggage," Sasha said, walking up to her and handing her Alex. If she hadn't been so tired she would have protested and told him she could handle a few bags on her own, but the truth was it was easier to carry a sleepy three-year-old than three bags, so she simply accepted the small girl that quickly curled her arms around Payson's neck.

Payson's apartment building didn't have an elevator, so it took them quite some time to manage to get the small child and their three suitcases to the fifth floor. But they did manage and Payson put Alex down and kicked her shoes off as soon as they stepped inside the door to her apartment. She moved inside to let Sasha come in behind her. A quick look around the apartment and she thankfully noted that everything was like she had left it. After watching that movie with the girl from Harry Potter she had gotten very scared that someone would break into her apartment. Who would want to do that she wasn't sure on, but it was still a real concern for her.

"Wow, you didn't exaggerate when you said your apartment was small," Sasha said, standing in the hallway, from which you could see the whole apartment.

"I warned you," Payson said. "But I do have a guest room, so it could be worse."

Sasha smiled a little. "Yeah, your small apartment isn't exactly the worst thing in our lives right now, is it?"

It wasn't that Payson forgot about Amanda, but every time she was brought up or Payson consciously thought about her, it felt like a knife was jabbed into her chest. Every time it happened, she had to stop and take a deep breath to not start crying. "Do you want some coffee?" she asked, focusing on the girl still holding her hand instead of his small smile and sad eyes.

"Yeah, sounds good," he mumbled, turning away.

.

"I'm tired Paypay," Alex said with a yawn. "Where am I going to sleep?"

The bed in the guest bedroom was made with fresh sheets, but Sasha was in there now and she didn't want to disturb him. "You can borrow my bed," she said and walked into her own sparsely decorated bedroom. "But it's only a nap, okay? It's the middle of the day here."

Alex agreed in a mumble, but as soon as she placed her head on the pillow the young girl was asleep. Payson had a feeling it would be difficult to wake her up in an hour or so. After pulling a blanket over Alex's sleeping body she walked back into the kitchen where she started the coffee maker and sat down at the kitchen table to wait for it to finish.

"Pay! You fell asleep!"

Payson groaned. Her back and neck were killing her. She slowly sat up, stretching her neck. Her eyes caught sight of the window; it was already getting dark outside. "God, what time is it?" she asked.

"Dinner time," Alex said from across the table. Looking around she discovered that Sasha was holding a pizza box.

"We were starving," he explained and placed the box on the table and then sat down himself as well.

"Good plan," Payson mumbled, rolling her shoulders. She had probably been asleep, sitting at the kitchen table, for hours. How was that even possible? She hadn't fallen asleep at a table since studying for finals in college. "You should have woken me earlier," she said, taking a slice of pizza.

"I tried to wake you up, thank you very much," he said a real smile on his face. "You tried to bite my hand."

"I did not!"

"Promise, you did," Sasha laughed.

Payson shook her head, she couldn't remember that. She wanted to believe she wasn't a violent person, but she did like her sleep. "Sorry," she said. He laughed and next to him Alex laughed as well. She already had pizza all over her t-shirt and Payson couldn't stop the laugh that was forming in her stomach from bubbling out of her mouth. Alex started laughing even louder when she saw Payson laugh, which in turn caused both Sasha and Payson to laugh harder. Payson was laughing so much her abdominal muscles hurt. It was the first time they laughed in over two weeks and it was like now when they had started, they couldn't stop. The laughter was echoing in the small apartment and Payson couldn't catch her breath. She laughed so much she could feel her eyes tear up.

"Oh god, I can't breathe," Sasha pressed out between laughs.

Payson shook her head, trying to take a few calming deep breaths, she couldn't stop giggling though. "I can't even remember why we're laughing." As she said the words they both burst out laughing even harder than before.

.

It was still dark outside when Payson woke up. She had barely slept anything and the little sleep she had gotten had been full of weird dreams. She sat up on the edge of her bed, pushing her hair out of her face. The apartment was silent, but somehow it was palpable in the air that she wasn't alone in there. Reaching for her phone she saw that it was only two-thirty. And she was wide awake. With a sigh, she got up and walked out of her room to go to the kitchen, but when she stepped outside the bedroom she saw the door to the balcony standing ajar. Through the window, she saw Sasha sitting on the swing, blanket around his shoulder. She hesitated a little but then walked through the living room. At the door, she leaned against the doorframe and pushed open the door slightly. He looked up at the sound.

"I didn't wake you, did I?" Sasha asked.

She shook her head. "Been awake for long?" but she could guess the answer, he looked exhausted. "Do you want tea?"

"That would be nice," Sasha nodded, he was about to stand, but Payson stopped him.

"You sit, I'll get it," she said and walked back inside. On the way to the kitchen, she peeked inside the guest bedroom. Alex was sleeping with her feet on the pillow and blue bunny pressed to her chest. It was strange, having Sasha and Alex in her apartment. Having lived in the San Francisco apartment for three years, it still hadn't managed to feel like home. She'd always liked living there, more so than living in LA, but it had always been her apartment not home. She guessed the only place that had ever been home had been her parents' house where she grew up, and in their house in Boulder of course.

The water finally boiled in the kettle and Payson poured it into the two waiting mugs on the bench. Her month in London had at least taught her to make tea so it passed as proper English tea. She threw the bags out and took the mugs with her to the balcony. Sasha moved to the side on the swing to make room for her.

"Don't you need to sleep?" he asked. "You've got meetings tomorrow, right?"

Payson nodded. "I can never sleep properly the first night after arriving in a new time zone," Payson said, sipping the hot tea. "I'll be back to sleeping like a baby tomorrow night though."  
Sasha hummed and draped half of the blanket he had over his shoulder around her as well. She shivered slightly, feeling their bodies so close again.

"Thank you for letting us tag along," Sasha said, looking over at her again. "The house just felt so…"

"Cold," Payson offered when he fell silent. Lonely, spooky, sad, were also words one could have used to describe the house after that night Amanda died. They had spent the week waiting for the funeral mostly just sitting around the house, staring out in space. Even Alex had been quiet and still. Payson wasn't sure the young girl understood what had happened, but she certainly knew that something was wrong.

"I just don't know what to do next," Sasha whispered. He was holding the warm mug between his hands, but he was looking at Payson. His eyes were as blue as always, but there was a sadness and a darkness Payson hadn't seen in them before. She wished she could reach out and touch his face. But they hadn't touched since that day in the gym. It was almost a month ago now. They hadn't even talked about it.

"Just take your time," Payson said. "You don't need to make any decisions now, there's no hurry."

He nodded slowly. "Sounds like very clever advice," he smiled.

Payson smiled as well. It was almost the same things he had told her when she had finished college and was stressing out over what to do next. "It was a very clever man who gave the same advice to me," she said, gently bumping her shoulder into his.

"Thank you for being here for us, especially for Alex."

"Don't worry about it," Payson said, feeling her cheeks turn red. She kind of wondered if she should not have asked if they wanted to go with her to the States. Should she have left London way earlier? The thoughts just went round and round her head. Had she made the right choices? What should she say to him? What should she do? What did he want? What did she want?

.

"Payson, Payson."

Payson slowly opened her eyes. She was still sitting on the balcony, but she was lying against Sasha's shoulder and in front of them the sun had already risen. She must have fallen asleep. Sitting up she stretched her aching neck. She really shouldn't continue to fall asleep sitting up.

"You should probably get ready for your meeting, it's already eight o'clock," Sasha said.

"Eight?" she rose quickly. "God I need to take a shower."

"Do you want breakfast before you go?" Sasha asked as she was on her way inside.

"No, but if you could make some coffee I would be so grateful."

"Coffee is on its way," he said, also walking in from the balcony. While he walked into the kitchen, the long since cold tea mugs with him, she headed into the bathroom. She had an hour and a half before she had to meet her agent, no need to rush.

After a shower, she got dressed in a nice and professional-looking skirt and blouse, put on some makeup and then headed into the kitchen where Sasha had made coffee for her. He had long since stopped trying to make her breakfast even though she had declined. It had been one of those annoying coach habits that never seemed to die down: he was always on her about eating healthy in the morning. Before leaving the apartment she dug out a key for Sasha and they decided to meet up for lunch at a restaurant only a block away.

"Good luck," he smiled and waved as she took her car keys and waved goodbye.

.

Ms. Lock's whole PR plan had been to expose Payson's identity for the fourth and final book. It was a PR plan Payson had always said no to. She wasn't in any way, shape or form ashamed of her books. She simply didn't want her name out there. If anyone tried to expose her it wouldn't be too hard. The books had been popular, but not enough to warrant a witch hunt to figure out who the author was.

"Since we can't have a signing or anything," Ms. Lock said with a dark look at Payson before looking down in her papers again. "We'll have the launch on Friday. The National Junior Championship will be the first release point, do you want to go to LA for that?"

Payson shook her head. They'd had the same release for the other books, at Nationals for the Junior Gymnasts. They were after all her target readers. "I'm positive you'll handle it perfectly without me there trying to stay out of the way."

Ms. Lock seemed very happy. "Well, then it's all decided and planned for," she threw out her hands. "So Payson, have you started writing anything else?"

Payson shook her head. "I'll take a break, for a while," she said. "Some personal things are happening and I haven't been feeling very creative lately…" she looked up to meet her agent's curious eyes. "I'll contact you when I know what I'm doing."

The older woman nodded and smiled. They said their goodbyes and Payson stepped out into the fresh air again. She had kind of missed San Francisco. The weather certainly was better here than in London. The rain and fog had almost made her lose her mind.

Since it was already noon, Payson headed back to her car and drove straight to the restaurant where she would be meeting Sasha and Alex. When she opened the door to the said restaurant the first thing she heard was a hysterically crying Alex. The cry was heartbreaking, how could a child have so big lungs? Only a couple of months ago Payson would have hurried out again at the sound of a crying child, now she hurried inside instead. She found Sasha walking back and forth, hugging Alex, in the coatroom.

"What's wrong?" she asked, hurrying over.

"Paypay! Paypay!" Alex screamed and reached for her. Payson looked at Sasha confused, but she took the crying child who was more or less throwing herself around her Payson's neck. Alex hiccuped a few times, but the screaming died down and soon she was sobbing silently into Payson's neck.

"What happened?" she asked Sasha.

The man, one of the strongest men Payson had ever known, had tears in his eyes and he was still swaying back and forth.

"Sasha? What's wrong?" she asked.

"She woke up and was hysterical when you were gone," Sasha said, shaking his head. "I tried to explain that you were coming back, but she wouldn't stop crying. And she was screaming for you and Amanda…" a tear spilled from his eye and dropped down his cheek.

It was as if the knife was back in Payson's heart. Alex had thought Payson had left her like Amanda had, that Payson also had died. She hugged the girl even closer to her chest. "It's okay, Alex," she whispered. "I'm here." It was all she could say. She couldn't promise she would always be there, because she barely knew what would happen tomorrow, let alone years from now. But she was there now. "It's okay, don't cry," she whispered and kissed Alex's head. "Both daddy and I are here," she added, looking up at Sasha. He wiped away the stray tear and took a step closer to them, pulling both Payson and his daughter into his arms.

"It's okay, Alex," he whispered. His voice wasn't very convincing though and Payson could hear the lump of tears in his throat.

"Let's go home, yeah?" she said, looking down in Alex's large sad eyes. "We'll make food at home instead."

And they did. Payson left her car parked outside the restaurant since she didn't have a car seat for Allie. They walked home together, Alex sniffling softly against Payson's neck the whole way.

"Wanna play with your cars?" Sasha asked his daughter when they came home to the apartment. Alex shook her head.

"Tired," she mumbled.

"How about we lie down for a bit of rest?" Payson asked.

"In your room?" Alex asked, looking up at Payson.

It was heartbreaking to watch the young girl. "Yeah, you can lie on my bed," Payson nodded, she shifted her grip on Alex and kicked her shoes off. "You coming?" She turned and asked Sasha when he didn't move from the front door.

"Daddy?" Alex asked.

Sasha looked from his daughter to Payson. His eyes were wet and slightly red, the skin under his eyes dark blue. She wondered when he last slept. He followed them into the bedroom without a word. They all crawled onto Payson's bed, under the covers. Alex lay between the two adults, one hand holding onto Payson's shirt and the other onto Sasha's, she fell asleep within seconds.

"You okay?" Payson whispered, looking over at Sasha over Alex's head.

He nodded slowly but wasn't making eye contact.

"You should get some sleep," she whispered. She was planning on just closing her eyes for a moment.

.

For the fifth night in a row, Payson woke up while it was still dark outside. It was unusual for her to have such a difficult time with the jet lag. Not bothering trying to fall back asleep she pulled a hoodie over her head and walked out to the balcony where Sasha was sitting, swinging slowly back and forth on the swing.  
"Do you ever sleep?" She asked, voice low not to scare him.

"Not really," he whispered back, not making a move. He continued swinging back and forth and Payson almost got the feeling he was sleepwalking. She walked around the swing and sat down next to him. "I'm sorry about this," he said, still not turning his head to look at her.

"Sorry for what?" She asked.

He shook his head. "I'm not even sure anymore."

She put her hand on his arm. "Take my bed, Sasha, I'll stay with Alex, you get some sleep."

Once again he shook his head. "I want to sleep in your bed with you," he said. She was about to tell him that was okay, but he didn't wait for her to say anything before continuing. "I want to sleep with you, or just sleep next to you, and then I feel bad because I just lost my wife." She took another deep breath to speak, but he was not stopping. "And you didn't sign up for this at all. You didn't sign up for a widower and a child, for a dysfunctional and sleep-deprived man..." He shook his head again. "I don't know what to do Payson," for the first time he turned and looked her in the eyes. "I'm in love with you, but you deserve so much more..."

Payson wanted to kiss the man or slap him. But mostly just hold him. "Don't I get to say in this?" She asked.

He looked sad, kind of defeated. "Of course you do," his cheeks turned a little red.

"I'm in love with you too," she whispered. "If I have to wait for you to get over Amanda I will. If you don't feel the same I'll still be here for you and Alex, as the friend and support you need and deserve."

"I did nothing to deserve you," he breathed, still looking into her eyes. His hand found it's way to her face, gently stroking her cheek before pulling her in for a kiss.

His lips were cold but as soft as she remembered them.

"You're the only thing keeping me sane," he whispered. "You saved me."

"How fitting," Payson smiled. "You've saved me more times than I can count."

.

The weather was beautiful, the sun shining and the air hot for late October. They were sitting in the sand, watching Alex play to catch the wave. The beach was almost empty, it was too late in the year for most to come down to the beach. Alex giggle carried with the wind and made Payson smile.

"Careful Alex!" Sasha called out as a big wave wet Alex's clothes.

"Calm down," Payson said, gently bumping his shoulder with her own. "It's just water." Alex was wearing floaties even if she wasn't dressed for swimming.

"Just water?" Sasha asked, a smile playing on his lips. It was a smile she recognized, a smile that meant trouble for everyone in the immediate distance. "Just water?" He got on his feet and before she knew what was happening she found herself being lifted from the ground.

A mix between a giggle and a scream escaped her. "Put me down, Sasha!" She called, suddenly hanging over his shoulder.

"I will, soon," he said, walking toward the ocean.

"Sasha! Don't you dare get me wet!"

"Oh, but I thought you said it was only water!" He didn't stop until he was standing knee-deep into the water. Somewhere close Alex was laughing.

"Sasha please!" She didn't have time to finish the plea before she felt herself sliding off his shoulder. "Sasha!" She called.

But it was fruitless, just a second later she was underwater. She found her footing quickly and was standing up. But she was completely wet, water dripping from her hair.

She groaned and when Sasha laughed she dived for him.

"Push him into the water Paypay!" Alex shouted.

"Payson!" Sasha was about to try to talk her out of it when she managed to push him so he fell into the water over her leg. She and Alex both cheered.

"Come here!" Sasha grabbed her hand and pulled her off her feet again. They were tumbling under the water for a moment before both stood up again, breathing hard. Not until then did Payson feel how cold the water was. She was about to tell both Sasha and Alex the get out of the water when she noticed his eyes glued on her. She smiled at him and got up on her toes so she could kiss him.

"Marry me," he blurted out.

"What?" Payson asked, feeling her heart race in her chest.

"Marry me," he repeated. No declaration of love, no long speech. She looked into his blue eyes, his beautiful blue eyes, while Alex was giggling in the background.

"Okay," she whispered. "Yes."

He smiled. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too," she whispered back and leaned in for a kiss.


	6. Chapter 6

"Payson! Please tell dad it's just a party!" Alex whined, putting the dishes down in the sink a little harder than necessary.

"Uh-huh," Payson shook her head, she was not getting in the middle of that ongoing argument. It was an argument that was renewed every week. The arguments were always the same and the ending as well.

"You're sixteen Alex, you have nothing to do at a party!"

"God, you're so annoying!" Alex stormed up the stairs, her angry steps audible through the house.

"When she turns eighteen we have to move back to the US," Sasha said getting up from the dinner table to take care of the dishes Alex had abandoned.

"Don't you think you're a bit... stubborn?"

Sasha shook his head but didn't say anything. Payson stood and cleaned off the table. "I'll talk to her," she said.

The house in London looked the same as it had the last thirteen years. They had lived there in periods during the last decade.

Payson grabbed a couple of Alex's books from the living room table and walked upstairs. Alex still had the room closest to the stairs, facing the backyard. Payson knocked on the door before pushing it open. "Hey, Al…" Payson fell silent in the middle of the sentence and she entered the empty room with a sullen teenager halfway through the window. Alex had shoes and a jacket on, sitting on the windowsill with one leg on the outside. "Alex!" Payson said, surprised. Alex had never sneaked out before.

Alex sighed but didn't move away from the window. "Please," she whispered.

Payson walked over to the girl in the window. She gently moved the hair out of her face and kissed her cheek. "Be careful, don't drink, and call when you want to be picked up?"

Alex nodded. "I love you," she whispered.

"Love you too," Payson smiled. She wanted to beg the girl to not go to the party. She wanted to offer that they watched a movie together instead, that they had a family evening. But she knew it wasn't that easy, not anymore. Instead, she watched Alex climb out of the window and down the rail of the balcony for the master bedroom. Payson had a feeling her husband would nail the window shut as soon as he could.

"Hey Alex, I'm sorry if..." Sasha cut himself off as he looked around the room. His eyes caught in the open window behind Payson.

"Bloody hell," he mumbled walking over to her and looking out the window. Alex was already gone.

Payson couldn't help to smile a little when Sasha scratched his head and looked out the window. He looked like he was debating running after her.

"She'll be okay Sasha," she said, pulling him in for a hug. "She's a clever girl."

"Right now I kind of wish she had inherited your working hard gene instead of my going off the rails gene."

"First off, we wished for this, remember?" Payson said. "We decided a long time ago to support her when she didn't want to do gymnastics. We wished for a normal life for her. Secondly, you didn't know me in college."

A smile grew on his lips. "Well, I've heard all about it," he winked, causing her to laugh.

"Come on, you can ground her tomorrow, now let's enjoy the fact that we have the house to ourselves." This time she winked. "You coming?" She held out a hand for him.

"Definitely," he said, taking her hand and letting her drag him to the bedroom.

.:.

Payson woke up to Sasha shouting the following morning. She sat up with a grunt. The sun wasn't even up yet. It was only six am and she did not appreciate waking up to a shouting match. She got out of bed and pulled on a pair of shorts and one of Sasha's old shirts.

"What were you thinking!"

"Hey, honey," Payson said, placing a hand on her husband's shoulder when she entered Alex's room. Alex was sitting on the bed, hugging her covers and she looked like she wasn't far from crying. Sasha took a deep breath, looking between his wife and daughter. "I'm sorry, Alex," he said, slowly sitting down on the edge of the bed. "I was just so worried, I haven't slept at all and... I'm sorry, honey, are you okay?"

Alex nodded but a tear fell down her cheek so it wasn't very convincing. Payson sat down on the other side of the bed, gently taking Alex hand in between her own.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"George broke up with me," Alex whispered, more tears falling down her face.

"Oh honey," Payson said, feeling her stepdaughter's pain. Sasha pulled Alex in for a hug and Payson gently patted her back before leaning in to place a kiss on her head.

"George was a bloody idiot anyway," Sasha mumbled. "Not nearly good enough for you."

Alex sobbed harder against her father's shoulder.

"Sweetie," Payson tried. "What happened? I thought you were getting along fine."

"He slept with Desiree," Alex sobbed.

"He's an idiot," Sasha repeated.

"His loss, really," Payson said.

Alex nodded but didn't look convinced. Payson offered to go make breakfast for them, but Alex declined.

"I just wanna sleep," she whispered.

Both Sasha and Payson tucked in their sixteen-year-old girl under the cover and kissed her head.

"His loss," Payson whispered.

"I love you," Alex said, looking between Sasha and Payson.

"Love you too," Payson repeated, Sasha echoed her words next to her.

They walked out of her room, closing the door behind them.

"Poor Alex," Sasha sighed. All of the yellings was forgotten again.

"Come on, let's get back to bed honey."

"When did we become the parents of a teenager?" Sasha mumbled, following Payson into their bedroom.

"Four years ago?"

"Good god," Sasha sighed. They crawled onto the bed. "It's all downhill from here, isn't it?"

Payson laughed. "According to your dad yes."

.:.

Later that day, Payson was putting away some laundry when her eyes fell on the flowery box on the top shelf. Putting away the last shirts she reached for it. The white box with blue flowers had a thin layer of dust on it. Payson wiped it off and opened it. It was her box, of course, she knew what was in it, but it still hurt when the first thing she saw was Amanda's handwriting. The envelope was addressed to Alex. For Alex, when she's grown up. Ignoring the other items, the pictures and letters from that year, Payson took the envelope and headed towards Alex's room. They had long been unsure of when to give Alex the letter, debating back and forth for years. It felt logical now though.

Payson knocked on the door to Alex's room. After a low mumble, she pushed the door open. Alex was sitting on her bed, leaning against the headboard, with a cup of tea in her hands. Her eyes were swollen and slightly red, but at least they looked dry.

"Hi, honey," Payson said, walking into the room. Alex gave her a weak smile. Payson looked down at the envelope before looking up at her stepdaughter again. "When your mom was sick… She wrote letters, remember? You already got a couple when you were younger?" Alex nodded and Payson sat down on the edge of the bed. "She wrote one last letter," she handed the letter to the smaller girl. "We didn't know when to give it to you, but I thought you're grown up now. You can decide if you're ready to read it."

Alex put away her cup and was turning the letter over in her hands. She slowly ripped it open. Payson rose. "I'll give you some time alone," she said, turning to leave.

"No, please," Alex said. Her cheeks turned slightly pink. "Please stay."

"Of course," Payson smiled and moved back to the bed and sat down next to Alex where the girl made room for her. Both of them were looking at the folded paper in Alex's hands and it was as if they both took a deep breath before Alex unfolded it.

_ Dear Alexandra _

_ I don't know how much of me you remember any more. When I got sick that was always one of my fears, that you wouldn't remember me. I'm glad you were only three years old when I was writing this. I don't think you're old enough to understand what's happening, and hopefully, you'll not be too sad when my time comes. But in the long run, I'm also afraid that when you read this, in fifteen years or so, that you're kind of wondering who this crazy woman is that keeps sending you letters from the grave. _

_ Whenever you're reading this… I just want you to know that I love you, with all of my heart. It's a big comfort to me that I know you'll grow up with Sasha and Payson. I already know you're going to become a wonderful person. Your father is such a stubborn man, a real pig head when he puts that side to it. Right now, as I'm writing this, he is in some kind of crisis about having been in love with her for so long. I think you know by now that what your father and I had, it was something different from what most other people have. We've been best friends since we were young, it was never anything romantic between us (not counting that kiss behind his grandfather's barn when we were twelve), and it was never strange or hurtful for me that your father always loved Payson. I always wanted them to get together, so never think that your father was unfaithful to me in any way, shape or form. _

_ I hope you don't take after your father or me when it comes to love. Or Payson for that matter. It's not dangerous to love, sweetie. Sure, sometimes it hurts, it can hurt very much, but it's also fantastic. It'll be one of the strongest feelings you'll ever experience, and I want you to dive headfirst into it, not debate the pros and cons about it for ten years before accepting it. Just dive into it. If you get hurt your father and Payson will always be there for you. _

_ Even if I, by the time you read this, haven't spoken or seen any of you in probably fifteen years, I know that Sasha and Payson always will be there for you. If you give up on sports, if you fail a class, if you party too hard, if you lose your job, if you travel and run out of money. Whatever happens, I know that you can always call Sasha and Payson. They will always be there for you in a way I never could. _

_ If there is a life after this, if there is a heaven, I'll be missing you every moment of it. I don't want you to be sad, that's not why I wrote this, I just never want you to doubt the fact that I loved you. I fought as hard as I could for you. The cancer was aggressive and I lost that fight, but I want you to know that I did fight. _

_ There are so many things I want to tell you, advises I wish I could give. Like never let anyone treat you badly, baby, friend or boy or girl, never let anyone talk down to you. Don't stress over school. It's important to have good grades, but it's also important to be healthy and feel alive. Always do the things that make you happy, sports or academics or traveling or other passions, do what you want, what makes you happy. Love whomever you want to, as long as they treat you right; give them your whole heart. If you so wanna be an astronaut, or designer, or cashier, go for it. Don't be afraid of what people think, always be yourself. _

_ I wish I got to know you, this grown-up you. But life isn't always fair. _

_ Just know that I love you. _

_ Mom. _

Payson pulled Alex closer as the young girl folded the letter and put it into the envelope again. They were both crying silently when Sasha appeared in the doorway. Before he could ask what was happening, he spotted the envelope in Alex's hands.

"Oh honey," Sasha whispered and climbed onto the bed. He climbed over both girls and sat down on Alex's other side, hugging his daughter.

"I love you, both of you," Alex said.

"Enough tears for today," Payson said, wiping away the tears rolling down Alex's cheeks. "We should do something, all three of us, what do you wanna do?"

"We could go to the park," Sasha said. "Buy ice cream?"

"Dad, I'm not five," Alex said with a giggle being masked by a cough.

"You're never too old for ice cream in the park!" Sasha said, smiling brightly. "Come on, both of you!" Sasha got up from the bed. "I'll get the car, I expect you to be ready in two minutes!" he disappeared out of the room.

Payson and Alex got up from the bed at a slower pace.

"Hey, Pay?"

Payson turned to look at her stepdaughter.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"For what honey?" Payson pulled the smaller blonde into a hug.

"For everything. I love you."

Payson had to fight not to let the tears start falling again. "I love you too. Your mother would have been so proud of the person you are."


End file.
